Five weeks ago, I ordered replacement filters for my co-worker's in-office air filter. (I'm the staff assistant for the department. I'm supposed to do that.)

Five weeks later, they haven't arrived.

So, today, I check out their website for a status report. Problems: 1. I can't log in to their system. 2. I can't find out the status of my order

So, I dig out the phone number for their order status line. Here

it says: "Please call us at 1 800 5-HOLMES (800-546-5637) option 81 ... for assistance regarding shipping or order status." I know this number isn't incorrect, as it says it again on that same web page.

So I call. I listen to the menu. It says "Thank you for calling Holmes. Visit our estore at www.holmesproducts.com. If you are calling to order filters, press 81. If you are calling to speak with a consumer product specalist regarding your holmes product, press 82.", saying nothing about finding information on order status.

SO, I reach up to press buttons on the phone and *click*, their automated system has hung up on me, a mere 2 seconds after the last menu option has been read (I called back and timed it. It was less than 2 seconds.) *rat assed bastids*

So, I hang up and call back again. This time, I get smart, and press 81 right away. I start to hear sounds like I am being transferred. and then *bzzzzt* *bzzzt* *bzzzt*... busy signal. *bah*

By this point, I am starting to be pissed off.

I hang up and call a third time. I press my 81 again, hoping to be put through. I hear a strange sound that sounds something like a cross between a ring and a busy signal. A few minutes later, I get the message saying that all calls are recorded and/or monitored... and then I'm put on hold for a 10 minute wait.

When a human finally picks up the other end of the line... "Hello, I'd like to get information about a previously placed order." I say... "I'm sorry, you need to call a different extension. It's the same number as before, just dial 82 instead... but you won't be able to talk to them today." "Why not?" i ask. "Why not?" I ask. "Because it's presidents day."

Great. Just what we need. Another company that has no idea what fucking customer service is.