Note to self. Must refrain from wanting to kill people who always play Celine Dion music on Monday mornings.

Methinks it's time to throw a CD on the player.

Fruitcake Recipie

• 1 cup water
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 4 large eggs
• lemon juice
• 2 cups dried fruit
• nuts
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried fruit gets stuck between the beaterers, pry it loose with a screwdriver. Sample the whiskey to check for nonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

Ahhh, moms are good people.